“I didn’t mean to impose but… I am the ocean”
- crackhead from the saltan sea
The process of letting go is a strange and almost seductive one for me. I tend to crave change, maybe a result of the 54 houses I’ve lived in, but I have made lovers out of objects and places and circumstances just as much as the people that accompanied them.
I love the stories I can tell about my things and the stories they tell about me. But lately I enjoy the letting go even more. I adore that last embrace that knows just how lucky we are to have known each other. The assurance that we are more than our stories, more than our collections of things. I am smiling a lot. The sky is like frosting and the leaves are love notes and I can’t remember ever being this grateful.
I had my moving sale this weekend. I lit Temple incense and played Vince Guaraldi’s Charlie Brown Christmas album. I served hot apple cider and cookies. My most precious belongings were grouped and priced, coloring every surface. I marveled at the way just the right person would come along to buy just the right thing at just the right time. The lady who just got a new office at the Food Bank needed a lamp and art for the walls. The old man bought a CD player for his son so he would quit stealing his. The girl that couldn’t figure out where she knew me from, who decided we could be sisters, bought almost every piece of clothing I had. The woman who had just left an abusive relationship, who was signing her new lease in an hour, bought a bed and two chairs. As she was leaving I took the wreath off my door and gave it to her and she started to cry. She told me how scared she was to be changing so fast and I told her about my plans to travel the country with my kids and she said, “you give me hope and confidence… we can do this.” The funniest part is how when one person needed help with something, another person at the sale would be able to help. I was taking apart a bunk bed, ever so slowly, when a man ran to his truck to get a drill. An older woman needed help loading her couch into her van when a nice young guy just happened to be there. There was always payment offered and it was always refused. It was as smooth and delightful as Vince playing, O’ Tannenbaum. It made me wish I didn’t always have a sale when I was leaving a place. I should start having them when I get somewhere.
So, for those of you that have been asking, here is a rough sketch of my ever changing “plans.” (They’re really more like treasure hunts.) I am moving to Colorado. I’m still going on tour, mostly this spring and summer but I’m planting my feverish roots in Denver (or Boulder). At this point, the timeline just depends on whether I make one of their slam teams or not. I will tour more if I don’t make it, less if I do. (Also: I’m currently recruiting other folks who are ready to hightail it out of this blood red state.)
My kids are really excited. They’ve never seen mountains and I assured Kavi that mountains don’t fall down and that they have grocery stores and malls in Colorado. My grandmother offered to buy me a warm coat. My boss told me he always kinda wondered why I lived in Oklahoma and told me a story about Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. It seems as though it really is time. I’m moving in with my mom until I leave and will live in the RV until I decide I need to get a place. It’s funny to me to be leaving a situation when it is still really good. For the most part, I love my job, my house and my daily life. I’m not fleeing. I’m just growing. I just keep asking, “How does it get any better than this?” and the Universe chuckles and says, “let me show you!”
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
out, out toxins
Today is Day 3 of my 5 day Nutritive Cleanse. After Nationals, (aka a week of poetry, burrito pizzas and more alcohol than my body has consumed in a year) I needed to detox the ol’ system and renew my commitment to a healthier me.
In case you’re curious, here’s what I’m using to cleanse:
Balance Complete- an organic shake with protein, whole foods, fiber and essential oils
Ningxia Red- (aka Ninja Juice) a super antioxidant juice with wolfberries and EOs
Digest + Cleanse- essential oils and herbs to promote digestion and cleansing
I have the three for meals and in between I eat fresh fruit and some nuts. Well, that’s the theory anyway. The first day I ended up eating a salad at the poetry reading so I could stop running around like a beheaded chicken. Yesterday I was seeing mirages of hamburgers and pimento cheese spread. I mean, seriously? I don’t even like pimento cheese spread. It’s just like meditation, when you get quiet, all kinds of shit comes up.
The most interesting thing is noticing the hunger and not reacting to it, just showing up and allowing the changes to occur without rushing to fix them. It’s also interesting to see how often I have the urge to reach for food because I’m bored or upset. Yesterday I had to process some pretty emotional stuff, a falling out with a friend, and really wanted to get ice cream or something to make me feel better. Funny how it never really makes you feel better it just distracts you from whatever emotion you’re avoiding. I tend to be a hard core Negative Emotion Avoider. I’m fine with the happy emotions; I’ll sip on those like a $5 martini when all you have is $5. But I will go to great lengths to avoid negative emotions which in turn create energetic blocks, much like what is built up in my colon. So this week is about allowing all toxins to move through, be recognized and be sent on their marry way. Really, that’s what this entire year has been about: giving every aspect of my life a certificate of appreciation and then choosing what will stay and what will go.
After this cleanse, red meat is going and alcohol is taking an extended leave of absence. Toxic relationships will also be dismissed.
As for day 3, one thing that has been super helpful is peppermint oil. I dab a bit on my temples and on the back of my neck when I’m tired or bored. It completely invigorates me and they say it’s helpful for digestion and appetite control too. If you are interested in cleansing or have thoughts to share, hit me up. We need all the support we can get in toxic times like these.
Let the young rain of tears come.
Let the hands of grief come.
It’s not all as evil as you think.
- Rolf Jacobsen
In case you’re curious, here’s what I’m using to cleanse:
Balance Complete- an organic shake with protein, whole foods, fiber and essential oils
Ningxia Red- (aka Ninja Juice) a super antioxidant juice with wolfberries and EOs
Digest + Cleanse- essential oils and herbs to promote digestion and cleansing
I have the three for meals and in between I eat fresh fruit and some nuts. Well, that’s the theory anyway. The first day I ended up eating a salad at the poetry reading so I could stop running around like a beheaded chicken. Yesterday I was seeing mirages of hamburgers and pimento cheese spread. I mean, seriously? I don’t even like pimento cheese spread. It’s just like meditation, when you get quiet, all kinds of shit comes up.
The most interesting thing is noticing the hunger and not reacting to it, just showing up and allowing the changes to occur without rushing to fix them. It’s also interesting to see how often I have the urge to reach for food because I’m bored or upset. Yesterday I had to process some pretty emotional stuff, a falling out with a friend, and really wanted to get ice cream or something to make me feel better. Funny how it never really makes you feel better it just distracts you from whatever emotion you’re avoiding. I tend to be a hard core Negative Emotion Avoider. I’m fine with the happy emotions; I’ll sip on those like a $5 martini when all you have is $5. But I will go to great lengths to avoid negative emotions which in turn create energetic blocks, much like what is built up in my colon. So this week is about allowing all toxins to move through, be recognized and be sent on their marry way. Really, that’s what this entire year has been about: giving every aspect of my life a certificate of appreciation and then choosing what will stay and what will go.
After this cleanse, red meat is going and alcohol is taking an extended leave of absence. Toxic relationships will also be dismissed.
As for day 3, one thing that has been super helpful is peppermint oil. I dab a bit on my temples and on the back of my neck when I’m tired or bored. It completely invigorates me and they say it’s helpful for digestion and appetite control too. If you are interested in cleansing or have thoughts to share, hit me up. We need all the support we can get in toxic times like these.
Let the young rain of tears come.
Let the hands of grief come.
It’s not all as evil as you think.
- Rolf Jacobsen
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
operation liberation- part 1
It didn’t help that I spent a week frolicking with gobs of poets. It didn’t help that we stood in moonlit alleys handing poems to each other like neighbors delivering baked goods. We held our flaws out like kisses for the world to taste. It certainly didn’t help that I did things that I’ve been afraid to do: I performed in front of poets whose work I deeply admire. I rode on the back of a motorcycle (hands grasping the waist of an admired poet). I shared breathing space with the kind of man you don’t want to stop sharing breathing space with. I lived fully. For a week. (Fearlessness is infectious.)
Then I came back to work, the fluorescent lit land of all things grown up. I came back to my desk. My computer. The chirp chirp of employees pecking at each other for a nibble of aliveness. Then it occurred to me…what am I doing this for? Now as jobs go, I have a great one. I get paid pretty well to sit and write all day. In my spare time I answer the agency’s phone and send out forms and emails. I laugh at the other employees and this unspoken rule that we must complain about our jobs so that it seems like we’re really working. But still, I sit here, while someone else teaches my kids about life, just so I can afford to have a house and money to spend time with them in the evening. During the week, I spend less than 4 waking hours a day with them. If I do shows on the weekend then I have almost no time then either. And suddenly it all seemed so absurd.
So, I created …. a plan. You might have guessed it’s called Operation Liberation. My plan is to start generating cash flow through the internet and things not related to my job and then sell all my stuff, buy an RV and hit the road! Okay, I know it’s crazy.Let’s get that out of the way. In fact, say it with me, 1, 2, 3… YOU’RE FREAKING CRAZY!!!! You want to take two small children on the road? What about school? Can you drive one of those things? What about security? Those are just a few of the things on my “Scary As Hell” list. Here are some things on the “Liberating as Heaven” list: Showing my kids this big beautiful country. Doing what I love to do for money. Listening to the slight change in sounds and movements from city to city. Meeting new and wonderful people all over the place. It is true what she said, that wise woman I don’t know the name of, “Earth is crammed with heaven!” And I’m tired of living in Excuseville. When my kids are older, when I have more money, when I’ve finished school… Life IS school and before I know it, my kids are going to be all wired into the lies of conventionalism and won’t want to go on a trip like this.
Now, I’m doing research. I am looking up bus conversions and RVs and trying to see what it would take to make this happen. There’s a thousand reasons why I shouldn’t do this but now begins the process of finding the reasons why I should. The operation begins.
Then I came back to work, the fluorescent lit land of all things grown up. I came back to my desk. My computer. The chirp chirp of employees pecking at each other for a nibble of aliveness. Then it occurred to me…what am I doing this for? Now as jobs go, I have a great one. I get paid pretty well to sit and write all day. In my spare time I answer the agency’s phone and send out forms and emails. I laugh at the other employees and this unspoken rule that we must complain about our jobs so that it seems like we’re really working. But still, I sit here, while someone else teaches my kids about life, just so I can afford to have a house and money to spend time with them in the evening. During the week, I spend less than 4 waking hours a day with them. If I do shows on the weekend then I have almost no time then either. And suddenly it all seemed so absurd.
So, I created …. a plan. You might have guessed it’s called Operation Liberation. My plan is to start generating cash flow through the internet and things not related to my job and then sell all my stuff, buy an RV and hit the road! Okay, I know it’s crazy.Let’s get that out of the way. In fact, say it with me, 1, 2, 3… YOU’RE FREAKING CRAZY!!!! You want to take two small children on the road? What about school? Can you drive one of those things? What about security? Those are just a few of the things on my “Scary As Hell” list. Here are some things on the “Liberating as Heaven” list: Showing my kids this big beautiful country. Doing what I love to do for money. Listening to the slight change in sounds and movements from city to city. Meeting new and wonderful people all over the place. It is true what she said, that wise woman I don’t know the name of, “Earth is crammed with heaven!” And I’m tired of living in Excuseville. When my kids are older, when I have more money, when I’ve finished school… Life IS school and before I know it, my kids are going to be all wired into the lies of conventionalism and won’t want to go on a trip like this.
Now, I’m doing research. I am looking up bus conversions and RVs and trying to see what it would take to make this happen. There’s a thousand reasons why I shouldn’t do this but now begins the process of finding the reasons why I should. The operation begins.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
breaking through the sluggish ick
This is the way it always happens. Mix some money stress in with a 16 hour work day, throw in a Mexican buffet provided by the best lady cooks the state has to offer and voila,
you are now waking up with filmy goo in your eyes and eating honey buns for breakfast.
You are now feeling incased by sluggish ick and wondering if you will ever get that vibrant veggie laden feeling back again.
The problem actually started about two weeks ago. When I forgot to pick up my co-op order and then never really had time to go to the store and got no sleep one night and then started drinking caffeine again. It’s a blood sugar snowball.
I had been following an eating plan that basically was lots of fruits and vegetables, protein and good fats, local and organic whenever possible. This usually meant I ate a lot of beautiful salads and smoothies. When all else failed and I was really in a pinch, I would just do the classic low carb thing and take off the bread. But what started to happen was that I gradually started inching more toward low carb instead of toward high veggie. I would go through the drive thru and get something that seemed low impact but really turned out to trigger more fast food cravings. (They are really good with sneaking those addictives in there, I mean additives.)
And then on Election Day, “We gorge ourselves on party foods that require the recipes be recited, printed out, swapped for future use. This is the way women bond, and it is always women who run things as important as elections and the food served during them.” (from my last Mardi Gras Election blog) So I gorged and then drank caffeine to counter act the blood sugar crash, and now, two days later, I am still struggling to get back on track.
I think there are a couple things I can learn from this. One is that I have to make grocery shopping and meal planning a priority. You are only as good as your default plan. I didn’t have a default plan this week. I knew it would be a stressful week but I didn’t plan for it. The other is that I have to implement a corrective blood sugar measure as soon as I get out of wack. None of this, “oh well, I’ve already blown it” stuff.
Today I am drinking a gallon of water, taking my blood sugar balance formula and eating only fruits and vegetables to get stable again. I’m also going to walk for 15 min. 2x today instead of meditating because there’s a real good chance I will just fall asleep during mediating today, and I don’t have time to go to the gym. This blog is so helpful, because it allows me the space to sort out the problems and identify the solutions.
Working through our flaws and our missteps is the way we grow to the next level. It’s the way we turn shit into a shift. In Elizabeth Lesser’s book The Seeker’s Guide, she says a lot of quote worthy things but this relates to today, “It took me a long time to decide to become a human being, and to look within my own flawed nature for salvation.”
you are now waking up with filmy goo in your eyes and eating honey buns for breakfast.
You are now feeling incased by sluggish ick and wondering if you will ever get that vibrant veggie laden feeling back again.
The problem actually started about two weeks ago. When I forgot to pick up my co-op order and then never really had time to go to the store and got no sleep one night and then started drinking caffeine again. It’s a blood sugar snowball.
I had been following an eating plan that basically was lots of fruits and vegetables, protein and good fats, local and organic whenever possible. This usually meant I ate a lot of beautiful salads and smoothies. When all else failed and I was really in a pinch, I would just do the classic low carb thing and take off the bread. But what started to happen was that I gradually started inching more toward low carb instead of toward high veggie. I would go through the drive thru and get something that seemed low impact but really turned out to trigger more fast food cravings. (They are really good with sneaking those addictives in there, I mean additives.)
And then on Election Day, “We gorge ourselves on party foods that require the recipes be recited, printed out, swapped for future use. This is the way women bond, and it is always women who run things as important as elections and the food served during them.” (from my last Mardi Gras Election blog) So I gorged and then drank caffeine to counter act the blood sugar crash, and now, two days later, I am still struggling to get back on track.
I think there are a couple things I can learn from this. One is that I have to make grocery shopping and meal planning a priority. You are only as good as your default plan. I didn’t have a default plan this week. I knew it would be a stressful week but I didn’t plan for it. The other is that I have to implement a corrective blood sugar measure as soon as I get out of wack. None of this, “oh well, I’ve already blown it” stuff.
Today I am drinking a gallon of water, taking my blood sugar balance formula and eating only fruits and vegetables to get stable again. I’m also going to walk for 15 min. 2x today instead of meditating because there’s a real good chance I will just fall asleep during mediating today, and I don’t have time to go to the gym. This blog is so helpful, because it allows me the space to sort out the problems and identify the solutions.
Working through our flaws and our missteps is the way we grow to the next level. It’s the way we turn shit into a shift. In Elizabeth Lesser’s book The Seeker’s Guide, she says a lot of quote worthy things but this relates to today, “It took me a long time to decide to become a human being, and to look within my own flawed nature for salvation.”
Monday, July 28, 2008
bumble time
Life requires empty space. It’s just as important as the full space, or the super achievement space. The hard part about allowing empty space is we are so “busy.” Now, busy is not the same as productive. Busy is moving around a lot, shuffling things, looking like you are doing something. Productive is effectively using the time you are given to move toward your goal. (Can you tell I’ve been reading time management books?)
Lately, I’ve been productive AND I’ve been busy. Getting ready for the National Poetry Slam has definitely created a lot of both: fundraising shows, practices, travel planning, giddy messages of anticipation. With slam and work and kids, it feels like every moment of my life is filled with doing and the ones that escape doing are filled with thinking about doing.
In Four Hour Work Week (by Timothy Ferris, bad ass book) Ferris talks about the Pareto’s Garden also known as the 80/20 Principle. In the garden, 80% of the peas came from 20% of the seeds. This applies to all kinds of areas: 80% of the work is done by 20% of the people. 80% of the revenue comes from 20% of the clients. Basically, 80% of the effect comes from 20% of the cause. I’ve read this before but it was good to be reminded of this in the midst of feeling like I was caught in the undertow of my life.
So, as my friend and I like to say, we’ve been 80/20-ing our lives.
To do this you have to look at where 80% of your joy comes from and where 80% of your frustration comes from and then shift where you invest your time and energy.
My frustration mostly comes from my house and my laundry, and it’s never ending need to be tended to. That’s 10%. The other 10% is men. Not really men themselves so much as my liking for them, my desire to have them around, my expecting something from them and then not getting it. On the mat recently, I noticed that probably 50% of my thoughts are some how involving men. This only causes me frustration because I have a lot of other things I could be productive about right now and relationships would only be considered busy work at this point.
My joy comes from quality time with my kids, writing and performing poetry and connecting with my Source. I also most definitely get joy from quality time with friends and family but this is my default activity. I will “hang out” until I’m sore if you let me.
And then my laundry piles up and the dishes don’t get done and the other things that give me joy start getting cut off. Also, to live in accordance with my value, which is what getting my shift together is about, I have to do a lot of prepping: meals, cleaning things to reuse, planning trips to promote less waste etc. Obviously, something’s gotta give.
When I feel myself getting distracted I do what I call a BUMBLE check. Is this the Best Use of My Being, Life and Energy? It’s a verb or a noun like Google. Did I BUMBLE this blog? Yes. This blog is my sorting machine and it gives me something productive to do while at work and I look busy at the same time (hehe). So this blog is a BUMBLE.
My kids and my mat time (meditation time) are BUMBLEs. Talking at length on my cell phone about the goings on of slam politics and what have you, not so much.
So I’ve got my 80/20 eraser out lately, creating empty space for peace and shifting the full space to happy BUMBLE space. (wow, I can really make some funny sounding sentences.)
Note to Friends and Family: don’t be afraid to call me. Just know that I may not answer. If it’s an emergency, text me 911. And hey, we can schedule some bumble time together!
Lately, I’ve been productive AND I’ve been busy. Getting ready for the National Poetry Slam has definitely created a lot of both: fundraising shows, practices, travel planning, giddy messages of anticipation. With slam and work and kids, it feels like every moment of my life is filled with doing and the ones that escape doing are filled with thinking about doing.
In Four Hour Work Week (by Timothy Ferris, bad ass book) Ferris talks about the Pareto’s Garden also known as the 80/20 Principle. In the garden, 80% of the peas came from 20% of the seeds. This applies to all kinds of areas: 80% of the work is done by 20% of the people. 80% of the revenue comes from 20% of the clients. Basically, 80% of the effect comes from 20% of the cause. I’ve read this before but it was good to be reminded of this in the midst of feeling like I was caught in the undertow of my life.
So, as my friend and I like to say, we’ve been 80/20-ing our lives.
To do this you have to look at where 80% of your joy comes from and where 80% of your frustration comes from and then shift where you invest your time and energy.
My frustration mostly comes from my house and my laundry, and it’s never ending need to be tended to. That’s 10%. The other 10% is men. Not really men themselves so much as my liking for them, my desire to have them around, my expecting something from them and then not getting it. On the mat recently, I noticed that probably 50% of my thoughts are some how involving men. This only causes me frustration because I have a lot of other things I could be productive about right now and relationships would only be considered busy work at this point.
My joy comes from quality time with my kids, writing and performing poetry and connecting with my Source. I also most definitely get joy from quality time with friends and family but this is my default activity. I will “hang out” until I’m sore if you let me.
And then my laundry piles up and the dishes don’t get done and the other things that give me joy start getting cut off. Also, to live in accordance with my value, which is what getting my shift together is about, I have to do a lot of prepping: meals, cleaning things to reuse, planning trips to promote less waste etc. Obviously, something’s gotta give.
When I feel myself getting distracted I do what I call a BUMBLE check. Is this the Best Use of My Being, Life and Energy? It’s a verb or a noun like Google. Did I BUMBLE this blog? Yes. This blog is my sorting machine and it gives me something productive to do while at work and I look busy at the same time (hehe). So this blog is a BUMBLE.
My kids and my mat time (meditation time) are BUMBLEs. Talking at length on my cell phone about the goings on of slam politics and what have you, not so much.
So I’ve got my 80/20 eraser out lately, creating empty space for peace and shifting the full space to happy BUMBLE space. (wow, I can really make some funny sounding sentences.)
Note to Friends and Family: don’t be afraid to call me. Just know that I may not answer. If it’s an emergency, text me 911. And hey, we can schedule some bumble time together!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
becoming a yogi
I’ve been getting my shift together for a few months now. I’ve made changes to my diet: not just what I eat but where I buy it, my living practices: being less wasteful and using more natural products, and my spirituality: meditating 2x a day for 15 min each.
The transitions haven’t been syrupy bubbles of delight. Still I struggle with my old SAD ways (those pesky drive thrus are everywhere aren’t they?) but it’s definitely getting better. With all this greater awareness, I ‘m asking lately: what else am I capable of?
For example this cool thing called a body, what could this bad boy really do if I challenged it? Could I stand on my head? Could I actually get in one of those freaky pretzel lotus positions? Could I be the lean strong example of health I’ve always wanted to be? My secret wish has always been to be a yogi. (This is a bit like the secret wish I had in high school to be a cheerleader, but not as shallow) one of those people who isn’t just in shape from exercising so much, but actually has a communion with this body the Universe provided for them. I’ve taken yoga classes and I’ve done a bit of my own practice but I always find some reason to quit.
So today: July 26, 2008 I am ready to take the next excellent step and become:
Lauren Zuniga: YOGA DIVA!!! (for now that means doing 5 sessions of yoga per week)
Here are likely to be my top excuses:
I don’t have time: I work 8-5 and am a single mother of two young kids.
I can’t afford it: yoga classes are not cheap, see the above excuse.
and…. well that’s about it. Time and Money. Those are always the best excuses.
So, here’s the plan:
My dream would be to take classes at the Art of Yoga, a local studio my friend owns that is hands down the best in the state. But they don’t have child care and the classes are 12 bucks each if you buy them individually. However,
I am a member at the local YMCA and I happen to know the guy that teaches a lunch hour yoga class there. He is awesome (and also teaches at AofY). I can attend that 3 days per week: Mon, Wed, Fri. If I did that every week in a month, the classes would average 3 bucks per class! Less than a latte!
They also have an evening class on Tues and Thurs. If I did all 5 (which sounds like a miracle at this point) the cost per class would be less than 2 bucks per class!
On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I can go get the kids and take them to the Y with me. Can I leave work and get them and get back to the gym in 30 minutes? Hmmmm….we’ll see.
I’ll need a default plan too!
Default plan, in case I miss a class, is to do a yoga DVD at home. I’d have to do it either in the morning before the kids wake up or in the evening and get them involved ( they love yoga so that’s not hard, it’s just hard to have the peaceful practice I prefer).
The treats: I can take an AofY class on the weekends as a bonus or treat. If I do it for one whole month I will treat myself to 50 bucks worth of Young Living goodies.
That’s worth doing all those crazy poses for!
My mission is to deepen my spirit/body unity through the practice of yoga and meditation.
The transitions haven’t been syrupy bubbles of delight. Still I struggle with my old SAD ways (those pesky drive thrus are everywhere aren’t they?) but it’s definitely getting better. With all this greater awareness, I ‘m asking lately: what else am I capable of?
For example this cool thing called a body, what could this bad boy really do if I challenged it? Could I stand on my head? Could I actually get in one of those freaky pretzel lotus positions? Could I be the lean strong example of health I’ve always wanted to be? My secret wish has always been to be a yogi. (This is a bit like the secret wish I had in high school to be a cheerleader, but not as shallow) one of those people who isn’t just in shape from exercising so much, but actually has a communion with this body the Universe provided for them. I’ve taken yoga classes and I’ve done a bit of my own practice but I always find some reason to quit.
So today: July 26, 2008 I am ready to take the next excellent step and become:
Lauren Zuniga: YOGA DIVA!!! (for now that means doing 5 sessions of yoga per week)
Here are likely to be my top excuses:
I don’t have time: I work 8-5 and am a single mother of two young kids.
I can’t afford it: yoga classes are not cheap, see the above excuse.
and…. well that’s about it. Time and Money. Those are always the best excuses.
So, here’s the plan:
My dream would be to take classes at the Art of Yoga, a local studio my friend owns that is hands down the best in the state. But they don’t have child care and the classes are 12 bucks each if you buy them individually. However,
I am a member at the local YMCA and I happen to know the guy that teaches a lunch hour yoga class there. He is awesome (and also teaches at AofY). I can attend that 3 days per week: Mon, Wed, Fri. If I did that every week in a month, the classes would average 3 bucks per class! Less than a latte!
They also have an evening class on Tues and Thurs. If I did all 5 (which sounds like a miracle at this point) the cost per class would be less than 2 bucks per class!
On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I can go get the kids and take them to the Y with me. Can I leave work and get them and get back to the gym in 30 minutes? Hmmmm….we’ll see.
I’ll need a default plan too!
Default plan, in case I miss a class, is to do a yoga DVD at home. I’d have to do it either in the morning before the kids wake up or in the evening and get them involved ( they love yoga so that’s not hard, it’s just hard to have the peaceful practice I prefer).
The treats: I can take an AofY class on the weekends as a bonus or treat. If I do it for one whole month I will treat myself to 50 bucks worth of Young Living goodies.
That’s worth doing all those crazy poses for!
My mission is to deepen my spirit/body unity through the practice of yoga and meditation.
baby steps
It’s funny how changes happen. All slow and invisible like. For a while I’ve been making subtle changes to my living practices but I didn’t really notice how much I’ve changed until I went away this weekend to stay at the lake with my family. Normally, I would be a trail of chip bags and coke bottles. I would use the holiday weekend to eat every puffy, crunchy and/or gooey treat that passed in front of me but this weekend I realized that the desire for those things was pretty minimal. I passed up pastries from the local bakery and a buffet of goodness at the yacht club. And other things came easily too. I instantly made sure we had a recycle bag. I managed to meditate twice a day. I didn’t drink alcohol at all because I didn’t really want that groggy, blah feeling that always follows and instead I had a blast playing with my kids and my cousins who are my kid’s ages.
The cool part, too, was that my family, unbeknownst to me, has been making changes as well. My aunt, who now drives a hybrid, shared her boiled cage-free eggs and Wasa crackers with me. My other aunt, who just had a baby, showed off her “G” diapers and KleenKanteen bottles. We enjoyed long talks about the great books we’ve been reading (What to Eat is excellent, as is The Omnivore’s Dilemma) and how we wonder if the recent flooding of Iowa would make the cost of high fructose corn syrup go up so much that we all go back to drinking water. We can hope.
It’s interesting to see how shifts occur. For me, there are so many things I’ve “been meaning to do” or ways that I still see I could improve that I forget to pat myself on the back for the things I’ve already gotten a handle on. So far I’ve:
- joined the Oklahoma Food Coop (www.oklahomafoodcoop.org)
- started shopping at the Farmer’s Market
- buy very little processed, artificial foods and buy organic where I can
- recycle all paper, glass and plastic offered by the city
- keep a Sigg, non plastic, bottle full of water with me almost all the time
- use reusable bags when shopping (mostly)
- switched all my cleaning products and most of my bath products to non-toxic natural versions.
- meditate for 15 min. 2x per day
The last one has I think been the anchor of it all. I’m amazed at the things I realize about myself when I get quiet. I learned a few things from the recent mediation workshop I went to in L.A. (www.getselfcentered.com). Max said, “only 3 things will happen when you meditate: you’ll think a lot, you’ll fall asleep or you’ll drop in to your authentic self.”
The cool part is that any of those are fine and having had those “drop in” experiences sometimes I get mad if I spend the whole time thinking. But the real benefits of meditation come when you’re off the mat. When you have a greater ability to notice your
thoughts and therefore choose them more carefully.
So, of course I’m still working on living more mindfully but when I step back and observe the changes over the last few months I notice that incredible things happen when you put your intentions on something. I wonder what would happen if we all put our intentions on something, all at the same time!
The cool part, too, was that my family, unbeknownst to me, has been making changes as well. My aunt, who now drives a hybrid, shared her boiled cage-free eggs and Wasa crackers with me. My other aunt, who just had a baby, showed off her “G” diapers and KleenKanteen bottles. We enjoyed long talks about the great books we’ve been reading (What to Eat is excellent, as is The Omnivore’s Dilemma) and how we wonder if the recent flooding of Iowa would make the cost of high fructose corn syrup go up so much that we all go back to drinking water. We can hope.
It’s interesting to see how shifts occur. For me, there are so many things I’ve “been meaning to do” or ways that I still see I could improve that I forget to pat myself on the back for the things I’ve already gotten a handle on. So far I’ve:
- joined the Oklahoma Food Coop (www.oklahomafoodcoop.org)
- started shopping at the Farmer’s Market
- buy very little processed, artificial foods and buy organic where I can
- recycle all paper, glass and plastic offered by the city
- keep a Sigg, non plastic, bottle full of water with me almost all the time
- use reusable bags when shopping (mostly)
- switched all my cleaning products and most of my bath products to non-toxic natural versions.
- meditate for 15 min. 2x per day
The last one has I think been the anchor of it all. I’m amazed at the things I realize about myself when I get quiet. I learned a few things from the recent mediation workshop I went to in L.A. (www.getselfcentered.com). Max said, “only 3 things will happen when you meditate: you’ll think a lot, you’ll fall asleep or you’ll drop in to your authentic self.”
The cool part is that any of those are fine and having had those “drop in” experiences sometimes I get mad if I spend the whole time thinking. But the real benefits of meditation come when you’re off the mat. When you have a greater ability to notice your
thoughts and therefore choose them more carefully.
So, of course I’m still working on living more mindfully but when I step back and observe the changes over the last few months I notice that incredible things happen when you put your intentions on something. I wonder what would happen if we all put our intentions on something, all at the same time!
earth citizenry: the beginning of the shift
Here are some things I’m ashamed to admit:
I just recently started recycling.
I still use paper towels…. a lot.
I have a whole shelf full of plastic bags.
I waste in more ways than I’m probably conscious of.
Last month, I ate fast food probably 28 times.
Maybe it’s a result of the Green Frenzy or maybe it’s just my own awakening process, but lately I’ve become startling aware of my bad Earth Citizen behavior. I always look with awe at those people that seem to have this eco-awareness thing down. Like they were just born wearing Tevas and hemp shirts and carrying their own canvas bags.
Or those who are less obvious, like some of my friends who live in what outsiders refer to as “the dirty kid compound” which is actually a cluster of houses within the same few blocks that are bustling with magical stuff like container gardens, rows of bicycles, piles of salvaged wood, compost toilets and busy people living life for a living.
(Sure they don’t bathe as ridiculously often as us “achieving” folk, but they also don’t waste 8 hours a day in a fluorescent-lit nonsense land.)
I spent last weekend with them, when my kids were out of town and I had scheduled a No Agenda weekend. It was like a reunion. I’ve known most of them since we were kids. We went through all the same phases: from 11 year olds who listened to NWA to 14 year olds who wore flannel and only listened to music no one had ever heard of before to 18 year olds, who settled into themselves and listened to whatever they wanted. Some of us ran like hell to get out of Oklahoma, moved to cooler cities like Portland or Boulder or Boston and came back when we realized it was too damn expensive and others (like me) got burned out on bong parties and waking up in piles of Milwaukee’s Best cans and decided to get married and have kids and do all that making of the home stuff.
Several of my friends trainhopped across the country and went to Survival Camps to learn how to make their own tools and eat off the land. Some made statements through graffiti, protested the WTO, went to jail for their loud beliefs. I made babies, tested my own survival capacity learned to meditate and read books about evolutionary enlightenment. We’ve struggled with addictions and bad relationships but mostly we have grown into our own Beings. We’ve found our art mediums, our causes, our delights and vices. And I guess what has remained the same in us all is an idea that we live in a world that needs a tune up and we are trying our best to get the tools and the skills necessary to help with the repair. Sometimes our ideas aren’t popular. Sometimes our small selves pummel our Big Selves into unconsciousness with boos and such.
So, that weekend, because the Universe is a ninja that knows exactly what I need, there was a Garden Party. The Central Park Community Garden was buzzing with friendly neighbor chatter and glowing sun warmed bodies. We ate freshly picked strawberries and baby green salads. We played on the sun dial and sat in the Earth Chairs sculpted from leftover sod. I felt so at home. At one point, I went to give a friend a hug and she spilled her pulpy carrot juice all over my shoe. We laughed and she showered me with apologies and I remember thinking, I really don’t mind all this aliveness being spilled on me. We talked at length about our new discoveries and plans. I asked her about her latest artwork and she said she got tired of painting on drywall and now she was just having really great conversations and taking good care of her cat. This girl makes art every time she exhales.
When we went over to wash our cups with the garden hose, I paused as I watched her wash her cup. She sprayed a bit of water into the cup then released the nozzle and swished her hand in the cup to clean it, then rinsed it one more time quickly. It was just a simple still frame that illustrated the mindfulness that I had been lacking in my own habits. When I started washing mine, I noticed the urge to just forcefully spray the residue out without ever touching it, but I swished and conserved reverently.
The evening was full of still frames like that. Things I picked up on that, if I hadn’t been seriously re-thinking my behavior lately, would have gone unnoticed. Like the bulletin board with the water bill pinned to it, $30.00 for a house of 6 people. And the makeshift room built from salvaged window panes and old doors, the sign sarcastically scrawled above the door, “shabby sheik”. There were signs posted everywhere to communicate the needs of the house.
“Your mama still don’t work here.”
“Turn the compost.”
“Don’t put paper products in the toilet, homies”
The most beautiful thing was the overwhelming creative energy that washed through the place. Like you could just hold your cup out and drink from it. Two girls banged on drums with out regard to whether they could keep a beat or not. Outside, three boys bounced from freestyling to hilarious graffiti stories and back again. I sat with a fellow poet and scribbled poems in the empty spaces of a photography book. Words just came out so willingly. As we sat with sweat beading up on our necks and smiles dripping from our mouths, I noticed that the major difference between this gathering and maybe one I might have with my “successful” friends, the ones with mortgages and important jobs and carefully coordinated accessories, is the shift of priorities. The conversations were not filled with remodeling plans or shoe sales. There were real life smells like lavender and bicycle- riding- body instead of apple pie candles and disinfectant sprays.
The overwhelming concern with convenience didn’t lurk in every corner. Instead it was just the desire to be. To create. To not exist frantically.
Though there are still some comforts and conveniences I am not ready to trade in, the experience reminded me of some the practices in my life that are not in alignment with my values.
Stay tuned for more on the Evolution de Lauren.
I just recently started recycling.
I still use paper towels…. a lot.
I have a whole shelf full of plastic bags.
I waste in more ways than I’m probably conscious of.
Last month, I ate fast food probably 28 times.
Maybe it’s a result of the Green Frenzy or maybe it’s just my own awakening process, but lately I’ve become startling aware of my bad Earth Citizen behavior. I always look with awe at those people that seem to have this eco-awareness thing down. Like they were just born wearing Tevas and hemp shirts and carrying their own canvas bags.
Or those who are less obvious, like some of my friends who live in what outsiders refer to as “the dirty kid compound” which is actually a cluster of houses within the same few blocks that are bustling with magical stuff like container gardens, rows of bicycles, piles of salvaged wood, compost toilets and busy people living life for a living.
(Sure they don’t bathe as ridiculously often as us “achieving” folk, but they also don’t waste 8 hours a day in a fluorescent-lit nonsense land.)
I spent last weekend with them, when my kids were out of town and I had scheduled a No Agenda weekend. It was like a reunion. I’ve known most of them since we were kids. We went through all the same phases: from 11 year olds who listened to NWA to 14 year olds who wore flannel and only listened to music no one had ever heard of before to 18 year olds, who settled into themselves and listened to whatever they wanted. Some of us ran like hell to get out of Oklahoma, moved to cooler cities like Portland or Boulder or Boston and came back when we realized it was too damn expensive and others (like me) got burned out on bong parties and waking up in piles of Milwaukee’s Best cans and decided to get married and have kids and do all that making of the home stuff.
Several of my friends trainhopped across the country and went to Survival Camps to learn how to make their own tools and eat off the land. Some made statements through graffiti, protested the WTO, went to jail for their loud beliefs. I made babies, tested my own survival capacity learned to meditate and read books about evolutionary enlightenment. We’ve struggled with addictions and bad relationships but mostly we have grown into our own Beings. We’ve found our art mediums, our causes, our delights and vices. And I guess what has remained the same in us all is an idea that we live in a world that needs a tune up and we are trying our best to get the tools and the skills necessary to help with the repair. Sometimes our ideas aren’t popular. Sometimes our small selves pummel our Big Selves into unconsciousness with boos and such.
So, that weekend, because the Universe is a ninja that knows exactly what I need, there was a Garden Party. The Central Park Community Garden was buzzing with friendly neighbor chatter and glowing sun warmed bodies. We ate freshly picked strawberries and baby green salads. We played on the sun dial and sat in the Earth Chairs sculpted from leftover sod. I felt so at home. At one point, I went to give a friend a hug and she spilled her pulpy carrot juice all over my shoe. We laughed and she showered me with apologies and I remember thinking, I really don’t mind all this aliveness being spilled on me. We talked at length about our new discoveries and plans. I asked her about her latest artwork and she said she got tired of painting on drywall and now she was just having really great conversations and taking good care of her cat. This girl makes art every time she exhales.
When we went over to wash our cups with the garden hose, I paused as I watched her wash her cup. She sprayed a bit of water into the cup then released the nozzle and swished her hand in the cup to clean it, then rinsed it one more time quickly. It was just a simple still frame that illustrated the mindfulness that I had been lacking in my own habits. When I started washing mine, I noticed the urge to just forcefully spray the residue out without ever touching it, but I swished and conserved reverently.
The evening was full of still frames like that. Things I picked up on that, if I hadn’t been seriously re-thinking my behavior lately, would have gone unnoticed. Like the bulletin board with the water bill pinned to it, $30.00 for a house of 6 people. And the makeshift room built from salvaged window panes and old doors, the sign sarcastically scrawled above the door, “shabby sheik”. There were signs posted everywhere to communicate the needs of the house.
“Your mama still don’t work here.”
“Turn the compost.”
“Don’t put paper products in the toilet, homies”
The most beautiful thing was the overwhelming creative energy that washed through the place. Like you could just hold your cup out and drink from it. Two girls banged on drums with out regard to whether they could keep a beat or not. Outside, three boys bounced from freestyling to hilarious graffiti stories and back again. I sat with a fellow poet and scribbled poems in the empty spaces of a photography book. Words just came out so willingly. As we sat with sweat beading up on our necks and smiles dripping from our mouths, I noticed that the major difference between this gathering and maybe one I might have with my “successful” friends, the ones with mortgages and important jobs and carefully coordinated accessories, is the shift of priorities. The conversations were not filled with remodeling plans or shoe sales. There were real life smells like lavender and bicycle- riding- body instead of apple pie candles and disinfectant sprays.
The overwhelming concern with convenience didn’t lurk in every corner. Instead it was just the desire to be. To create. To not exist frantically.
Though there are still some comforts and conveniences I am not ready to trade in, the experience reminded me of some the practices in my life that are not in alignment with my values.
Stay tuned for more on the Evolution de Lauren.
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